The Lord Smites Chile as New President Takes Office

SANTIAGO, Chile – The Lord smote Chile with a series of strong aftershocks on Thursday as a new president was sworn into office.

Last month, obviously expressing displeasure with the Chilean people, the Lord smote Chile with one of the strongest earthquakes ever recorded—an earthquake so powerful that it actually shifted the entire planet on its axis and shortened the length of the planet's day.

While the people of Chile have been unsure of exactly what they have done to draw God's wrath, today's quakes during the presidential inauguration ceremony make it clear that the Lord is displeased with the Chilean government.

"Obviously, the Lord disapproves of the new president," said Juan Cojones, speaking on condition of anonymity outside the capital building this morning. "This does not bode well for the future of our country under the leadership of this president," he said.

Chile is not the only country to displease the Lord, of course. Haiti was also the recent target of His wrath, when he smote that country with a powerful earthquake that caused widespread devastation, yet left the Domenican Republic, on the other side of the island of Hispaniola, unscathed.

Religious leader Pat Robertson has said that God smote the Haitians for having entered into a pact with the devil, a.k.a. Satan. However, the existence of this pact remains unconfirmed.